Death by Accident
This
piece is a testimony to my journey in the field of cancer especially pediatric
cancers and the experiences it brings with it. Things you do not learn at medical school , things your parents do not prepare you for , but perhaps make for the most profound life lesson , an evolved mind can process .
Witnessing
death is not a new experience to me, I’ve seen it across 3 continents and felt
more and more resistant to the emotions it brings on. Death like waves of the ocean is a divine promise . It will keep coming , It will keep striking , If will keep withering and will win each time .
The
field of pediatrics expects a level of patience and compassion, which grows
from every passing day, and with the level of complexity you are faced, with
each patient.
Each
leukemia is different, and more importantly each child is different.
He was
a confident, tech savvy teenager that was not too happy to be in my office ,
She was a fiery little 10 year old who was only concerned about her long
flowing hair .It didn’t take more than a wink to declare that both of them were
harboring liquid self-destructive machinery growing faster and stronger with
each passing second. Looking at the blood drop of them each, under the wonder
lens of my microscope, it wasn’t the nuance of the typology, staging,
cytogenetics of their disease that was crossing my mind.
I was
preparing for the Day 1 talk, as we call it in our business. The countdown
begins at Day 1.He took it well, while the parents who had adopted him from
overseas when he was tiny were aghast. To have to hear the word cancer is synonymous
with death, and going away, as you hear it. It’s never fun, but the next
sentence is usually what makes or breaks the moment. I told them its cancer,
and given the success rate of advances in today’s science, it’s treatable. But
they always look for a moment too long in your eyes to hear who you don’t want
to say, “I CAN CURE IT. He didn’t ask that question; deep down inside he knew
the clock has started ticking.
She
heard it and saw her mother collapse on the ground, as I told her it was cancer
that had been giving her the severe bone pains for the last 2 months. She
looked at me, while I was helping her mother up on her feet, and with those
questioning big beautiful eyes, asked me without speaking, weather she was
going to die.
After 1
long year of dramatics, balding, mood swings that turned the pediatric unit
upside down, and gave the psychiatry colleagues a run for their money, both of
them were put into remission. We had hit their tumor hard with the fancy
medical poisons, and their spirit harder.
The
smoldering pain from the burnt out intestines from one orifice to another, the
bald scalp, the moon face from the steroids and chmotherapy led to the hideous
appearance than can make you hate yourself. It made them bitter, but they were
happy that the clock had been turned in their favor.
School began
at home, fundraisers praised their courage, and social media were abuzz with
their stories that crossed international borders. It seemed that both Jesus
Christ and Prophet Moses were personally taking care of these two.
He was
featured in the local newspaper, shortly thereafter with his photograph on the
top right corner. No hair, pale lips, soft eyes, still with a patient smile.
The headline read – “Lad loses battle with cancer”- Eight
days before his passing, he was sworn in as a member of the local Fire
Department. He had belonged to the junior’s organization for several
years. She was transplanted there after shortly , and I found myself
fasting with my wife, suddenly defying all scientific beliefs ,succumbing to ,
in line with the Judaism .We were amongst the thousands in mainland Jerusalem
praying and fasting for her .
She, as
headstrong as she had always been, had seemed too made up her mind. The pink
rabbit that I decorated her transplant room –“the bubble “with, made her giggle
… Her long flowing hairs were gone, but her infectious laughter will stays with
me till today…
It was
a Sunday … she had chosen just the time after Sabbath to choose her departure …
They
both left us, angry and confused … with shattered pride and frustration of our
medical impotence. These children are brought in this world for a purpose … It
can’t be death … but that is appears to me.
#childhood cancer #chemotherapy #death #god
Comments