LiL J .....
LI’L J
She was enraged ... and for a first day in a cancer ward, and in the world’s best center I was not prepared to be yelled at, like a no body... and for what ??-the temperature in the room being set at a little low in her son Lil j ‘s room...Surprisingly enough I calmly apologized and got it fixed...I had surprised myself ….
Call it sympathy or the pain, that has softened me.. The emotional toll of being around a kid with cancer …is far worse than seeing a dying man…it’s like they have been granted a death sentence but have been put on a slow painful way to reach there at the end…
She was an ordinary mother, an attractive female for her age, who still could use her life for herself ,but with a 5 year old literally dying in front of her...her allegiances were clearly defined.
She must be tired of crying by now ...or maybe she cried herself to sleep everyday after lil J would finally fall asleep...
J is the not one of the best behaved kids...and not without a reason ...he has suffered enough pain in those long 5 years of life ...more than all of yours and my miseries put together….
Every morning you would walk into the floor to witness a “freak show”, something that She would do to- “gain attention ".. as we would put it to each other . All we did was laugh over it and get our self busy to see a new "case" , another new kid , diagnosed with some cancer somewhere, registered into our brains as Page no 302 or 450 of the Textbook of Pediatrics ...
it was today at 2 am , while on overnight call ...something hit be like a bolt ..
Today was a very happy for lil J , both him and his mother were nowhere to be noticed...
Lil J who is almost in tatters, physically and mentally..Today was smiling...Not to forget the beaming mom on the side, when I entered his room to "Examine" him...
Something told me that all was NOT good...
Apparently the paranoia has crossed all bounds today ..."she" was convinced that Lil J was actually getting better.. He could eat today after months..And generally irritable Lil J had hugged his mom after weeks today...
Secretly they had told each other that he was getting better and would be able to leave the hospital soon for HOME, after spending 5 months in this room.
The doctor within me was about to blurt out the reality and wished to bring them back to the reality..that part of me was getting irritable by the second ,standing there allowing this foolishness to happen ...doctor me was reminding me that Lil J had already come too far..Beating all the odds ... surprisingly everyone by having lived so long...and to ask for a life let alone a normal one was pushing for the impossible.
The eventuality of the matter was that Lil.J did not have much time and deep down inside "she" knew that..But how could she a mother who had suffered so much quietly ..who did not have any other kid ...had not wanted to have any other kid...accept and boldly face it without breaking down...
I will never forget my "Buddy" and the daily drama in my short stint into this emotionally packed field of pediatric cancer....
I am sure I have learnt one thing , that will stay with me all my life ....something no textbook teaches ..it was the fact that Nature is ever powerful..and destiny can take strange abrupt changes ..but human spirit is stronger that anything ..we have the capacity to fight anything that it pitted against you .. Lesson learnt the sad way.
She was enraged ... and for a first day in a cancer ward, and in the world’s best center I was not prepared to be yelled at, like a no body... and for what ??-the temperature in the room being set at a little low in her son Lil j ‘s room...Surprisingly enough I calmly apologized and got it fixed...I had surprised myself ….
Call it sympathy or the pain, that has softened me.. The emotional toll of being around a kid with cancer …is far worse than seeing a dying man…it’s like they have been granted a death sentence but have been put on a slow painful way to reach there at the end…
She was an ordinary mother, an attractive female for her age, who still could use her life for herself ,but with a 5 year old literally dying in front of her...her allegiances were clearly defined.
She must be tired of crying by now ...or maybe she cried herself to sleep everyday after lil J would finally fall asleep...
J is the not one of the best behaved kids...and not without a reason ...he has suffered enough pain in those long 5 years of life ...more than all of yours and my miseries put together….
Every morning you would walk into the floor to witness a “freak show”, something that She would do to- “gain attention ".. as we would put it to each other . All we did was laugh over it and get our self busy to see a new "case" , another new kid , diagnosed with some cancer somewhere, registered into our brains as Page no 302 or 450 of the Textbook of Pediatrics ...
it was today at 2 am , while on overnight call ...something hit be like a bolt ..
Today was a very happy for lil J , both him and his mother were nowhere to be noticed...
Lil J who is almost in tatters, physically and mentally..Today was smiling...Not to forget the beaming mom on the side, when I entered his room to "Examine" him...
Something told me that all was NOT good...
Apparently the paranoia has crossed all bounds today ..."she" was convinced that Lil J was actually getting better.. He could eat today after months..And generally irritable Lil J had hugged his mom after weeks today...
Secretly they had told each other that he was getting better and would be able to leave the hospital soon for HOME, after spending 5 months in this room.
The doctor within me was about to blurt out the reality and wished to bring them back to the reality..that part of me was getting irritable by the second ,standing there allowing this foolishness to happen ...doctor me was reminding me that Lil J had already come too far..Beating all the odds ... surprisingly everyone by having lived so long...and to ask for a life let alone a normal one was pushing for the impossible.
The eventuality of the matter was that Lil.J did not have much time and deep down inside "she" knew that..But how could she a mother who had suffered so much quietly ..who did not have any other kid ...had not wanted to have any other kid...accept and boldly face it without breaking down...
I will never forget my "Buddy" and the daily drama in my short stint into this emotionally packed field of pediatric cancer....
I am sure I have learnt one thing , that will stay with me all my life ....something no textbook teaches ..it was the fact that Nature is ever powerful..and destiny can take strange abrupt changes ..but human spirit is stronger that anything ..we have the capacity to fight anything that it pitted against you .. Lesson learnt the sad way.
Comments
I just casually came across yr blog but this article moved me ...cant say more but I am a loved one of a terminal ill patient ..I ve seen and lived this for 11 months !! I can at some level feel what the mother and her child shared or felt !!
Tk cr
S